Revenge Is Best Served Cold
by DragonCrazy
Summary: When Naruto pranks Sasuke, Neji, and Gaara, they decide that enough is enough and form an alliance to get revenge. (Doesn't fit timeline, so slightly AU)


**A/N: I just felt like honing my writing skills. I feel like I jump around from scene to scene too much. Any advice/constructive criticism would be more than welcome!**

* * *

><p><span><strong>Uchiha Sasuke<strong>

Sasuke scowled in his bed and shielded his eyes from the sun with his hands. _I should probably get up and close the curtains, but it's too troublesome_. He groaned. _Oh, great, I'm acting like Shikamaru now…_

He slowly sat up and scowled again. Stupid sun… Sighing, he got out of his cozy, warm bed (not that it wasn't warm outside) and opened the door and felt his jaw drop at the horrifying image in front of him.

His house was coated in hot pink. Pink table, pink chair, even the photos of his family were pink. If you looked at a picture of the Uchiha family now, you would think that Sakura was one of them. To Sasuke's horror, even the Sharingan in the pictures were pink.

Sasuke slowly tiptoed across the living room and to the kitchen cautiously. He grimaced at the pink refrigerator and opened it, intent on eating breakfast (he was hungry!) and going out to catch and kill/torture the person who did this. He _had_ always been bent on revenge.

In fact, the only thing that kept him from going out and hunting down the perpetrator was the thought of what Itachi's expression would look like if he knew was.

Unfortunately for said perpetrator, what little common sense Sasuke had managed to hold onto in the face of revenge flew out the window when he saw what was in the fridge. Or, rather, what was missing from the fridge.

Sasuke's eye twitched as he slowly realized that the fridge was virtually untouched (except for the fact that everything inside the fridge was pink). Except for one thing.

What little ramen Sasuke had (he would never admit this, but he did like eating it every once in a while) was gone.

In that moment, Sasuke knew who had done this.

"NARUTO, YOU ARE _SO_ DEAD!"

* * *

><p><span><strong>Hyuga Neji<strong>

Neji yawned and opened his pale eyes, the soft pink light of the sunrise bathing his room. It was time to get up.

He gracefully made his bed (He had a reputation to maintain. Even if he was technically alone and had nothing to worry about, you never knew in a compound full of people who could see through _everything_ with their Byakugan) and activated his Byakugan to make sure no one was outside his room and watching with _their_ Byakugan.

Neji would rather die than admit to a small quirk of his, hence his paranoia.

Every night, right before going to bed, he wrote in a diary. After his father had died, Neji had started becoming more and more withdrawn with no one to confide to. He was slowly losing his mind when Hinata, his cousin, who had always been the most attentive to her surroundings out of the clan, had suggested writing in a diary since he obviously hated most of the Hyuga clan and would never even consider talking to them.

At first, he had scoffed and ignored the suggestion, but after a particularly trying day, he decided to take her advice to avoid going insane. To his slight horror and huge relief, he found writing in a diary both relaxing and addictive. Ever since his first entry, he wrote in it every day in secret, though he suspected that Hinata knew. Fortunately, she didn't tell anyone, and never asked him about it.

After a few weeks, however, simply writing in his diary wasn't enough. Neji started to read his diary during the morning as well, thus developing his Byakugan more than most members of the clan.

Another thing he would never admit was that even though he was a genius, one of the few things he was horrible at was, surprisingly, using his Byakugan. He got good at using his Byakugan through hard work and secret-diary-writing/reading.

Neji shoved his hand into his pillow and got out a small, silver key, which he used to unlock a drawer in his desk.

He eagerly opened his drawer to find… Nothing. His mouth went dry.

Panicking, Neji activated his Byakugan, only to see… nothing. Eyes wide, he slammed the drawer shut and barged out the door and his house, and spotted the whole clan gathered around reading something.

Something that looked suspiciously like his diary.

_Oh no!_ panicked Neji_. B-but, no one knows about my diary!_

In slow motion, he went up to the clan. Obviously, what they were reading was important, since Neji had never seen the Main and Cadet branches together without killer intent in the air.

As he got closer, to his horror, he heard _laughing_. Now he was even _more _convinced they had the diary.

"What are you all doing, gathered like this?" asked Neji, outwardly looking calm.

Silence.

"B-big b-b-brother N-n-neji!" squeaked Hinata, her face reddening.

Now Neji was totally convinced that they were reading his diary. There was no other explanation.

He walked to the middle of the circle, and saw the familiar red leather. Yup, it was definitely his.

"How did you get this?" said Neji, struggling to keep calm.

Hyuga Hiashi smiled weakly, which was a first. "Aahh… About that. Well, we aren't sure… but…" He held up an empty bowl of ramen. "We found this."

Neji went pale, then his Byakugan activated in his fury. The whole Hyuga clan recoiled in fear, something countless clans in Konoha (or pretty much anyone) would have given anything to see.

"NAARRRUUTOOOO! I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!"

* * *

><p><span><strong>Sabaku No Gaara<strong>

Unlike Neji and Sasuke, Gaara was not asleep. He was currently finishing up his mountain of paperwork that came with the title of Kazekage, or pretty much _any_ Kage, really. It was one of the few advantages of having a demon sealed inside him.

Coincidentally, Gaara was also the first Kage in history to actually do his paperwork on his own like he was supposed to. The Fourth Hokage used Kage Bunshin, the Fourth Mizukage made those with Kekkei Genkai do it before killing them, and the Fourth Kazekage cleverly manipulated genin into doing most of it under the pretense of 'a D-rank mission'.

In fact, one of the only reasons why he was chosen to be Kazekage was because he had ten extra hours to burn every day and he had a knack for diplomacy and paperwork. Plus, the council seriously doubted that anyone would have the skill to pull off impersonating him, like what Orochimaru had done to his father.

Also, in Suna, the title of Kazekage was inherited by his children. Meaning that it was either him, undiplomatic, oblivious Kankuro, or hot-headed, short-fused Temari.

The council figured that they could handle having an ex-psychotic murderer as their leader as long as he handled meetings and the paperwork without going insane (again).

Gaara slowly got up and stretched, sighing and wringing his poor hand. _No wonder Kages are known for their strong hands_ he thought dryly.

He was currently waiting in Konoha for a meeting with the Hokage, and was in a luxurious hotel room.

Gaara entered the kitchen, both his stomach and Shukaku growling. He opened the fridge… only to freeze in horror.

There was nothing but _ramen_ in the fridge. He knew for a fact that there was more variety stored inside the refrigerator since he had been here for two days.

He knew only one person who loved ramen and actually had the skill to pull off a prank right under his nose.

Before he closed the refrigerator door to go out to eat something at a café or something, he spotted a bright orange note. Gaara suddenly had a bad feeling about this.

_Hey, Gaara,_

_Since for some INSANE reason you hate ramen, I decided to stock your fridge with twenty bowls of it. I placed several seals in this place, so Shukaku (and since you're his vessel, YOU) can't leave this place until you finish eating all twenty bowls._

_Man, the things I do for you! I would LOVE to be stuck in a room with twenty bowls of ramen!_

_-Naruto_

Gaara felt cold. If what Naruto wrote was true, and he couldn't leave the room… This was bad.

The meeting with the Hokage was in three hours, and he knew from watching Naruto getting beaten up by Tsunade that the Hokage had a nasty temper.

He looked at the packages of ramen stuffed in the fridge, and for the first time in three years, was in agreement with Shukaku.

_NARUTO, I AM GOING TO MURDER YOU!_

* * *

><p>Sasuke, with his eye twitching, marched up to Sakura. "Where. Is. Naruto." Sakura yelped and spun around to face him. "I-don't-know- wait, why? And did you really have to barge into the hospital like that?"<p>

Sasuke scowled. "It's a life-or-death situation."

Sakura looked at him skeptically. "Well, the only thing I've seen for the past hour or so was paperwork, so you'll have to ask someone-"

The door was kicked open again by a very, very angry Hyuga. "Where. Is. Naruto."

Sakura decided that Naruto was definitely not mentally healthy if he had ticked off both Neji and Sasuke. Not that she didn't know before. This just confirmed it.

"Ahhh… About that… You two are the only people I've seen in the past-"

The door was smashed open again by a fist made out of sand. A very ill-looking Kazekage growled, "I am going to KILL Uzumaki!" With that, he groaned and rushed to the restroom again. Sakura (even Sasuke and Neji) winced when they heard retching noises.

Sakura sighed. Judging from their expressions and the killer intent saturating the air, it was probably safe to assume that Naruto had pranked them. Again.

But this time he had done all three of them at once.

Sakura whipped out a piece of paper and started scribbling something down.

Sasuke and Neji stared at her. Finally, Sasuke broke the silence. "What's that for?"

Sakura stopped and looked up from her writing. "Oh, this? It's an eulogy for Naruto."

Neji snarled. "In my opinion, the jerk doesn't deserve one at all."

"I agree," rasped Gaara, limping back into the office. He looked much better; or at least less green and more the color he was supposed to be.

Sakura sighed again. "What did Naruto even do?"

Sasuke slammed his hand on her desk, making her yelp indignantly. "Kai."

Sakura, Neji, and to a small extent, Gaara's jaws dropped.

"Y-y-y-our h-hair!" stuttered Sakura, eyes wide. Neji looked for a camera for blackmail. He never really liked the cocky Uchiha, even though he wasn't much better since he was a cocky Hyuga. Not that he would ever admit that.

Sasuke's eye twitched again. "He turned my beautiful, lovely, dark hair _pink_. Pink! Pink! PINK!" He started running around yelling 'pink' repeatedly.

Understandably, the other three stared at him, muttering, "Release" every few seconds to make sure it wasn't an illusion. After all, no one in history had ever witnessed an Uchiha having a mental breakdown. In fact, it was widely believed that Uchiha were just physically, mentally, and genetically incapable of breaking down in any way.

Itachi didn't have a breakdown after _massacring_ his family. Naruto had just done the impossible.

Either that, or Naruto had just figured out the unknown, widely sought after weakness of the Uchiha clan.

Hair.

* * *

><p>After patiently waiting for five minutes, Sakura turned to Neji. "What happened to you?"<p>

Suddenly, the room temperature dropped twenty degrees. Neji leaned towards them with a crazy look in his eyes that made them seriously question his sanity. It didn't help that his Byakugan was activated as well, making his veins pop out.

Sakura slowly inched away from him.

"What you are going to hear right now _will not leave this room_. Got it, Sabaku, Uchiha, Haruno?" hissed Neji, his eyes growing more and more demented.

The other three nodded feverently.

In an even more quiet tone, Neji whispered, "He stole my diary and gave it to the Hyuga clan."

Sasuke snorted, breaking the tense atmosphere. "You have a-"

"Eight Trigrams! Two palms, four palms, eight palms, sixteen palms, thirty-two palms, sixty-four palms, one-hundred-twenty-eight palms!" shouted Neji, slapping Sasuke at an almost impossible speed.

Sasuke fell to the ground, twitching.

Sakura started inching away from Neji cautiously. Gaara decided that there were some things in life that Shukaku couldn't defeat, and that an angry Neji was definitely one of them. He inched away from Neji as well.

Neji looked at them, his right eye twitching.

Sakura laughed nervously. "Ah ha ha ha ha- GAARA-WHAT-ABOUT-YOU?!"

Gaara glared at the medic-nin. His theory that all women were evil was proved again.

"Naruto forced me to eat twenty bowls of ramen in twenty minutes. He placed seals around my hotel room so that I couldn't get out until I finished every bowl," growled Gaara, his sand unconsciously forming little statues that looked like Naruto and crushing them.

Sakura and Neji blinked. Sasuke twitched again.

"Okay… Why did you eat twenty bowls in twenty minutes? Only super-humans… Ahh… forgot the jinchuriki thing… Fine, only Naruto can eat that much," said Sakura, confused. "Why not spread it out so that you'd eat a bowl or two every meal?"

"I had a meeting with the Hokage," said Gaara curtly. Sakura immediately got the message. _Hokage is a very, very strong and short-tempered woman. Being late would be suicidal._

Neji narrowed his eyes. "I have an idea."

* * *

><p>Naruto happily walked to… well, somewhere. Who cared, though? He was happy today.<p>

Why?

For one, he had pranked Sasuke. Second, he had pranked Neji. Third, he had pranked (well, not so much as _pranked_ than _did a favor for him_) Gaara.

Life was good.

"Raccoon, are you in position?" hissed Neji into his mouthpiece.

"In position, Bird," answered 'Raccoon'. "What about Snake? And why am I stuck doing this?"

'Bird' rolled his eyes. "Don't you think it'd be little weird if Sasuke suddenly decided to stop being an arrogant icecube?"

"Hey!" protested 'Snake'. "And yes, I'm in position."

"You have a point," admitted Raccoon. "Fine, Phase One has officially begun."

* * *

><p>"Ahhh…. What should I do today? Annoy Kyubi? Annoy Tsunade and call her 'old'? Prank the head of the Hyuga clan again?" pondered Naruto, still happily walking aimlessly.<p>

Gaara decided, like many others before him, that Naruto was not mentally healthy and probably had a death wish. Though he _was_ impressed that he had managed to prank the head of the Hyuga clan.

Gaara mentally sighed and appeared in a swirl of sand in front of Naruto, forcing his face to look as expressionless as usual. Strangely, it was harder than usual, especially when he reminded himself that the ninja in front of him was the one responsible for his half-hour of suffering.

"Heeey, Gaara!" said Naruto brightly. "Long time no see!"

Gaara tried to smile. "Hello, Naruto."

Naruto tilted his head. "Uhh… Are you ok, Gaara? You look like Sai."

Gaara internally winced. "Oh, I'm alright. I just finished my meeting with the Hokage and wanted to treat you to a bowl of ramen. After all, you _are_ my friend," he said pseudo-cheerfully.

Naruto looked at him strangely.

If one listened closely enough, they would be able to hear a certain Hyuga on a roof saying a few very colorful words.

Suddenly, Naruto opened his mouth and said:

"Awesome! IT WORKED, EVERYONE! SUNA, KONOHA, TODAY IS A HISTORICAL DAY! I FINALLY GOT THE FOURTH KAZEKAGE HOOKED ON RAMEN! WOOH!" shouted Naruto, jumping up and down.

The street fell silent.

Gaara's eye twitched as Naruto dragged him at inhuman speed (even for a ninja) towards Ichiraku Ramen.

Neji almost felt sorry for him.

Almost.

* * *

><p>Right when the two reached the most crowded section in the village, Neji, who was tailing them, jumped out of nowhere and proceeded to Gentle Fist Naruto.<p>

"ARRGH!" shouted Naruto, collapsing on the spot. Everyone fell silent and stared at the three ninja.

Sasuke appeared from the shadows, grinning sadistically. Naruto suddenly felt very, very cold.

"Glue Style! 100 Gallons of Glue!" shouted Neji, chopping the air. Naruto was drenched in a hundred gallons of superglue.

"Sand Style! Rain of Pink Glitter!" shouted Gaara, pink glitter appearing from his gourd and covering Naruto completely.

"Fire Style! Fired Pottery Technique!" yelled Sasuke, his Sharingan spinning wildly and making him look insane.

Naruto's eyes widened as the jutsu dried and hardened the superglue along with the glitter.

All three ninja smiled creepily.

"Have fun washing the pink off," said Sasuke innocently.

"That was for the diary," spat Neji.

"Ramen? Blech," said Gaara, looking disgusted.

Naruto gaped at them like a fish.

Neji took a few pictures with a camera he had bought while tailing Naruto and Gaara.


End file.
